This Is the Greatest/Geekiest Moment of My Life

Dear Mr. Burt Reynolds:

If you are reading this, it means your publicists have passed along my letter seeking your personal endorsement for this blog.  As you can see, we* are a small-scale operation here at the VCA Blog-O-Rama, but I assure you, we take our mission as seriously as any professional publication.  I like to think that what we lack in credibility, we make up in baseless speculation.

But you may be asking yourself, why me?  And why V.C. Andrews?  What could a tanned, taut, venerable silver fox such as myself have to do with the late author of the best-selling novel Flowers in the Attic?

Not going to lie.  It's the moustache.

Moustaches not only play a large part in the works of V.C. Andrews, but I have determined, based on my extensive literary analysis of her novels, that the moustache is, in fact, a critical thematic element.  The moustache motif arches like a protective umbrella, sheltering and encompassing Andrews' entire literary canon.  You and your moustache have become our mascot, our muse.  At times, your name has comprised up to 20% of our search hits.**  I would further like to note that the main writer of this blog is based in Alabama, one of the settings for your classic 1977 action-comedy Smokey and the Bandit.  

Previous familiarity with V.C. Andrews and/or the content of this blog would be considered a bonus, but is not necessary. Your endorsement would receive a prominent placement immediately below the header, with all proper attributions appended.  We would appreciate a single catchy, upbeat, positive quote reflective of your devil-may-care screen personae.  Any mention of moustaches, mice, or doughnuts would also be welcome.  You will of course be compensated for your contribution.***

We thank you for your consideration, and we eagerly await future correspondence.


Yours sincerely,
The Fifth Dollanganger





*And by 'we' I mean 'me."


**Specifically, on 5 January, 2012, this blog received 77 unique hits, 15 of which came from searches for "Burt Reynolds porn."

***Do you accept baked goods?

Petals on the Wind, Part Five: In Which They Actually Leave the House

The next chapter takes up immediately after Cathy finishes screaming about her pain from across the dinner table. Chris objects that they don't need to go to Virginia to look for evidence of Cory's death because it's entirely possible that he could have died of pneumonia, the way their mother said he did.

A) I don't see how what he died of precludes anyone from getting those records and trying to find out where the kid's buried so that if nothing else they can get some closure, and

B) YOUR LITTLE SISTER TESTED POSITIVE FOR ARSENIC POISONING.  CATHY TESTED POSITIVE FOR ARSENIC POISONING.  YOU YOURSELF TESTED POSITIVE FOR ARSENIC POISONING.  YOU GAVE THE MOUSE A DOUGHNUT THAT YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS HAD BEEN EATING, AND IT WENT TOES-UP AN HOUR LATER.  FUTURE MEDICAL DOCTOR, EVERYBODY!

The original version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" was a very short, traumatic book.

Carrie, by the way, hasn't stopped crying since this car trip was proposed.