Dear Mr. Burt Reynolds:
If you are reading this, it means your publicists have passed along my letter seeking your personal endorsement for this blog. As you can see, we* are a small-scale operation here at the VCA Blog-O-Rama, but I assure you, we take our mission as seriously as any professional publication. I like to think that what we lack in credibility, we make up in baseless speculation.
But you may be asking yourself, why me? And why V.C. Andrews? What could a tanned, taut, venerable silver fox such as myself have to do with the late author of the best-selling novel Flowers in the Attic?
Not going to lie. It's the moustache.
Moustaches not only play a large part in the works of V.C. Andrews, but I have determined, based on my extensive literary analysis of her novels, that the moustache is, in fact, a critical thematic element. The moustache motif arches like a protective umbrella, sheltering and encompassing Andrews' entire literary canon. You and your moustache have become our mascot, our muse. At times, your name has comprised up to 20% of our search hits.** I would further like to note that the main writer of this blog is based in Alabama, one of the settings for your classic 1977 action-comedy Smokey and the Bandit.
Previous familiarity with V.C. Andrews and/or the content of this blog would be considered a bonus, but is not necessary. Your endorsement would receive a prominent placement immediately below the header, with all proper attributions appended. We would appreciate a single catchy, upbeat, positive quote reflective of your devil-may-care screen personae. Any mention of moustaches, mice, or doughnuts would also be welcome. You will of course be compensated for your contribution.***
We thank you for your consideration, and we eagerly await future correspondence.
The Fifth Dollanganger
*And by 'we' I mean 'me."
**Specifically, on 5 January, 2012, this blog received 77 unique hits, 15 of which came from searches for "Burt Reynolds porn."
***Do you accept baked goods?