Checking my stats after the long absence reveals a certain trend in my search hits.
"incestuous rape Flowers in the Attic": This blog discusses the rape scene in Flowers in the Attic: Part Six, which is the secondmost viewed entry on this blog by several hundred hits, surpassed only by the entry on the Andrews estate's court case with the IRS.
"flowers in the attic rape": Yes, same section.
"flowers in the attic chris and cathy make love": Cathy and Chris don't make love in that book. They do in later books, but in the first one, it's straight-up rape.
"flowers in the attic nude": There is a lot of casual nudity scattered around Flowers in the Attic, particularly in the section covered in Part Five. There is no nudity in this blog, unless you count that one picture of Burt Reynolds.
"flowers in the attic sex excerpt": The whole scene? It's not very graphic compared to some of the scenes in say, Petals on the Wind, and it's rather short, and it's, well, a rape scene. There's an earlier scene where Chris and Cathy kiss and make out a little that's probably more satisfying on the sensuality front.
"flowers in the attic porn": I'm sure it exists, although a quick search reveals that, if it's out there, it's surprisingly difficult to locate amid the tons of cheeky articles that describe the book as "softcore porn for preteens." Andrews' own sex scenes tend to be soft focus. You'll have to go to the fanfiction for anything more graphic than that.
At any rate, there's no porn in this blog, and there's no porn in Flowers in the Attic, except for maybe scenery porn. Andrews does love to describe her sets.
In a bit of mood whiplash, however, I'd like to talk about some other search results that really bothered me for a number of reasons.
"was vc andrews raped/was vc andrews molested/vc andrews was an incest victim"
Serious talk about incest and some analysis of Andrews' oeuvre under the cut.
Showing posts with label fun with keywords. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun with keywords. Show all posts
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Monday, January 9, 2012
More Fun With Keywords!
In the past two weeks, there's been an upsurge in traffic (although, in the spirit of full disclosure, I don't exactly advertise this blog, so an 'upsurge' in my case is something like twenty unique hits) from a search for "hate flowers in the attic." I try to keep abreast of all things Andrews and have not noticed any recent developments that would cause people who did not previously hate Flowers in the Attic to begin doing so in any great numbers. I can only assume that either
A) people who already hated Flowers in the Attic are looking for kindred spirits; or,
B) I am now known in internet circles as "that chick who hates Flowers in the Attic."
I can't stress this enough. I don't hate Flowers in the Attic. Let's just say . . . I enjoy Flowers in the Attic in a way it was not intended to be enjoyed.
That being said, there have been a significant number of hits from searches for "tom selleck porn." Y'all know who y'all are.
A) people who already hated Flowers in the Attic are looking for kindred spirits; or,
B) I am now known in internet circles as "that chick who hates Flowers in the Attic."
I can't stress this enough. I don't hate Flowers in the Attic. Let's just say . . . I enjoy Flowers in the Attic in a way it was not intended to be enjoyed.
That being said, there have been a significant number of hits from searches for "tom selleck porn." Y'all know who y'all are.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Where the F**k did the Trunchbull bury Cory's picnic basket in Flowers in the Attic
I have recently learned the joys of my stat box. This is how I tell how you--yes, you! there! in front of the computer!--found this blog.
Here, then, are the top five burning searches that lead people to the blog-o-rama:
The Trunchbull/pictures of the Trunchbull: The Trunchbull is this blog's common name for the grandmother from Flowers in the Attic. Alas, this blog does not discuss Matilda or any other work by Roald Dahl (even though Matilda is one of my favorite books and Roald Dahl is one of my favorite authors). Cathy later changes her stage name to Dahl, but I'm sure that's unrelated.
what the fuck am I reading? Brother, we've all been asking ourselves that one.
cory buried flowers attic: It is never explicitly stated what became of Cory's body. In Flowers, Corrine claims to have had him buried under a false name. Later, adult!Cathy goes searching through records to find where Cory might have been buried, but finds that there weren't even any records of any male children Cory's age who died on that particular day in the state. When Cathy confronts her mother, Corrine admits that Cory died before reaching the hospital and that she disposed of his body in a ravine.
But then, the mysterious and confusing part kicks in (and it's part of one of Andrews's irritating habits that I'll explicate more fully when the actual scene happens): Cathy claims to have discovered a mysterious room in the attic, a room with a strong odor of decay and death. The implication, obviously, is that Corrine hid her son's body up there and zOMG, Cory never left the attic! The irksome thing is that we never actually see this scene happen, so it's ambiguous as to whether or not Cathy's telling the truth. However, the accusation causes Corrine to have a full-on psychotic break, implying that there's at least a grain of truth to it.
Still a lot of questions there. Did Cory die en route to the hospital, as Corrine claimed, and she hid him in the attic where she knew his body would never be found? Or--and a lot of people seem to think this--did she never even bother with the hospital, simply abandoning her son in a locked, hidden room in the attic, essentially burying him alive?
Short version: we never find out what became of Cory's body, but there is a good 80% chance it was stowed in the attic of Foxworth Hall and ultimately consumed by fire when the house burned down.
case-of-the-keyhole-covers: This search hit particularly pleases me, because it means that someone is deliberately and purposefully Googling for something that I wrote. It's right here if anyone wants it. I hope you're not in marketing; I say some pretty mean things about you guys in that post.
Bart Winslow flowers in the attic: Bart is Corrine's virile strapping moustachio'd sex-bomb attorney of a second husband (represented here by Magnum PI* himself, Burt Reynolds). He will make his first real appearance later in the Petals recaps. I have feelings about Bart. They are not sexy feelings.
Recap of Part Three is 3/4ths done! I'm just having trouble finding some gifs that sufficiently express my trauma over the upcoming sex scene.
ETA, 2/5/2012: I edited the title to this entry, not due to any squeamishness about dropping the f-bomb in the title, but because, ironically, I was getting hits for weird and potentially illegal porn.
*Gehayi pointed out in comments that Tom Selleck played Magnum P.I. Apparently I got my moustaches mixed up.
Here, then, are the top five burning searches that lead people to the blog-o-rama:
The Trunchbull/pictures of the Trunchbull: The Trunchbull is this blog's common name for the grandmother from Flowers in the Attic. Alas, this blog does not discuss Matilda or any other work by Roald Dahl (even though Matilda is one of my favorite books and Roald Dahl is one of my favorite authors). Cathy later changes her stage name to Dahl, but I'm sure that's unrelated.
what the fuck am I reading? Brother, we've all been asking ourselves that one.
cory buried flowers attic: It is never explicitly stated what became of Cory's body. In Flowers, Corrine claims to have had him buried under a false name. Later, adult!Cathy goes searching through records to find where Cory might have been buried, but finds that there weren't even any records of any male children Cory's age who died on that particular day in the state. When Cathy confronts her mother, Corrine admits that Cory died before reaching the hospital and that she disposed of his body in a ravine.
But then, the mysterious and confusing part kicks in (and it's part of one of Andrews's irritating habits that I'll explicate more fully when the actual scene happens): Cathy claims to have discovered a mysterious room in the attic, a room with a strong odor of decay and death. The implication, obviously, is that Corrine hid her son's body up there and zOMG, Cory never left the attic! The irksome thing is that we never actually see this scene happen, so it's ambiguous as to whether or not Cathy's telling the truth. However, the accusation causes Corrine to have a full-on psychotic break, implying that there's at least a grain of truth to it.
Still a lot of questions there. Did Cory die en route to the hospital, as Corrine claimed, and she hid him in the attic where she knew his body would never be found? Or--and a lot of people seem to think this--did she never even bother with the hospital, simply abandoning her son in a locked, hidden room in the attic, essentially burying him alive?
Short version: we never find out what became of Cory's body, but there is a good 80% chance it was stowed in the attic of Foxworth Hall and ultimately consumed by fire when the house burned down.
case-of-the-keyhole-covers: This search hit particularly pleases me, because it means that someone is deliberately and purposefully Googling for something that I wrote. It's right here if anyone wants it. I hope you're not in marketing; I say some pretty mean things about you guys in that post.
Bart Winslow flowers in the attic: Bart is Corrine's virile strapping moustachio'd sex-bomb attorney of a second husband (represented here by Magnum PI* himself, Burt Reynolds). He will make his first real appearance later in the Petals recaps. I have feelings about Bart. They are not sexy feelings.
 | |
My feelings about Burt Reynolds are completely sexy. I am not ashamed of that. |
Recap of Part Three is 3/4ths done! I'm just having trouble finding some gifs that sufficiently express my trauma over the upcoming sex scene.
ETA, 2/5/2012: I edited the title to this entry, not due to any squeamishness about dropping the f-bomb in the title, but because, ironically, I was getting hits for weird and potentially illegal porn.
*Gehayi pointed out in comments that Tom Selleck played Magnum P.I. Apparently I got my moustaches mixed up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)